“When trust has been damaged, it’s important to talk to your partner to understand exactly how and why they lost trust, even if it seems obvious,” Cilona says. about how your lie made them feel and what you can do to make things better. When you do admit the truth, it's important to talk to your S.O. Even if you never 'fess up, it’ll wreck your mental health, Durvasula says. Otherwise, you risk telling even more lies to try to cover up the other lie-and that won’t end well. straight-up asks you if you’ve lied, Durvasula says it’s best to apologize and tell the truth. If you've kept a lie a secret and your S.O. While nothing happened, I should have been upfront with you.” Don’t blame your partner in this, by adding something like, “I lied about it because you’re irrational about this stuff.” “That's gaslighting and doubles down on the lie in a way,” Durvasula says. She recommends starting with an “I” statement, like “I was not honest with you about who I hung out with last night, and I’m sorry. While you can wait to be called out by your partner, you can also just put on your big girl pants and get real with them.“Taking responsibility for yourself is an important element of empathy and self-reflection,” Durvasula says. If you’re being totally honest with yourself, you might realize that “fib” you told was actually a full-blown lie that you really only told to protect yourself. “It means that partners share less, are less intimate, and have less empathy and compassion.”
HUSBAND LIES AND HIDES THINGS CRACK
“The more lies, the more you crack the foundation and the basis of a relationship,” Durvasula says. And, she adds, “even small ticket lies repeated day after day can harm a relationship.” Basically, if you keep telling your partner lies, whether you think they’re harmless or not, they can stop trusting you. On the flip side, Cilona says “healthy lies often involve holding back or tempering a truth to protect someone's feelings or help someone-the focus is on the issues of kindness, manners, tact, respect, and consideration.” A good example: Pretending you didn’t notice that massive zit that popped up on your partner’s face until they straight-up asked you about it.īut, of course, making a habit of lying isn’t good for your relationship, period. “Lying for self gain or personal agenda, to manipulate or hide information, and lies that are hurtful or betray a trust are the lies that do damage,” he says. People lie in relationships to save face, avoid conflict, protect their egos, protect their image, and just to avoid hurting their partner’s feelings, Durvasula says.Ī good way to tell whether your lie is small potatoes or harmful is to try to figure out if the lie is trying to protect your partner’s feelings or if you’re just looking out for yourself, Cilona says. Telling a little fib here and there doesn’t make you a terrible person, but there’s a pretty broad spectrum when it comes lying. Here’s what you need to know about lying in a relationship, how it can impact your bond, and what to do if lying is an issue in your love life. Without trust, a relationship cannot grow in a healthy manner.” “More than anything, it fosters a sense of safety. “Trust is the primary connective tissue of a relationship,” Durvasula says. It all depends on the lie and why you're telling it.īefore you get freaked out about the idea that lying is common in relationships, it’s important to know this: While white lies happen fairly often in relationships, the bigger (and badder) lies aren't as common, says licensed clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, PhD, author of Should I Stay or Should I Go?īut, of course, being able to trust your partner-and vice versa- is pretty important. However, that doesn't mean some of those whoppers can't be damaging. “Lying is quite common in relationships,” says Manhattan-based licensed clinical psychologist Joseph Cilona, PsyD. It may even be necessary to lie sometimes to avoid hurting your partner’s feelings. Think: Trying to hide the fact that you let one rip in bed or subtracting $20 when you talk about how much you ~actually~ spent on that new outfit.
Here’s the thing-on some level, lying in a relationship is normal. But in reality, you both probably fudge the truth a little here and there.
In a perfect world, you and your partner would be super honest with each other about everything.